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Seven types of love

and where to find them

By McKinley Striggow
On April 5, 2018

 

In Psychology a student learns that there are seven types of love, each powerful and sometimes they come without warning.

The seven types are Eros, Philia, Storge, Agape, Ludus, Pragma and Philautia. Each type of love has their own place in your life, but what Psychology fails to explain is the way love, when lost, feels.

Eros is sexual or passionate love, and is the type most akin to our modern construct of romantic love.

“In Greek myth, it is a form of madness brought about by one of Cupid’s arrows,” said, Neel Burton M.D., a writer for Psychology Today.

Philia, or friendship, is shared goodwill.

For Plato, the best kind of friendship is that which lovers have for each other.

“It is a philia born out of eros, and that in turn feeds back into eros to strengthen and develop it, transforming it from a lust for possession into a shared desire for a higher level of understanding of the self, the other, and the world,” said Burton.

Storge is a kind of philia pertaining to the love between parents and their children.

Agape is universal love, such as the love for strangers, nature, or God.

Playful or uncommitted love is known as Ludus. It can involve activities such as teasing and dancing, or more overt flirting, seducing, and conjugating. The focus is on fun, and sometimes also on conquest, with no strings attached.

Ludus is not the type of love, in my opinion, that someone should seek after a breakup. Ludus is the type of love that would be unfulfilling to the newly broken heart.

For a healthy transition into single life both parties need to be thought of after a breakup. It is almost like a relationship, in the sense that both parties should give each other the time to heal and not do anything that the other person would be hurt by.

Pragma is a kind of practical love founded on reason or duty and one’s longer-term interests. In this type of love sexual attraction takes a back seat in favor of personal qualities, compatibilities, shared goals, and a making it work attitude.

Philautia is self-love, which can be healthy or unhealthy.

“Unhealthy self-love is akin to hubris. In Ancient Greece, a person could be accused of hubris if he placed himself above the gods, or, like certain modern politicians, above the greater good,” said Burton. “Healthy self-love is akin to self-esteem, which is our cognitive and, above all, emotional appraisal of our own worth relative to that of others.”

For those of you who have felt love in its infancy it’s like a lump in your throat that is dying to reach the surface. Finally, when that lump of “I love you!” reaches the surface it’s like a huge weight has been lifted from your chest.

The opposite also holds true when the other persons “I love you too!” changes over time into, “I think we should break up.”

If you’re unlucky it comes as a blindside, almost like a knife in the chest, and if you’re lucky it at least comes when you expect it to.

That lump in your throat and the weight on your chest comes back, but that feeling also has changed. It’s no longer a weight of anticipation but of unbelievable sadness. Breathing may be difficult, rational thought goes straight out the window and if you listen close enough I bet you could hear your heart strings fraying.

Dramatic? Maybe, but a heartbreak is not something that should be taken lightly.

Love is all too real and the complications a heartbreak brings, no matter at what age, are all too real.

Over time your heart will mend, but it will never be the same heart you gave away.

Love when lost is a feeling unique to everyone, and everyone has different ways of coping. Some individuals move on in a matter of weeks and others take years.

For me, my heart after this heartbreak was left confused. I wanted a lifetime, and two years is a very short lifetime.

In the best circumstances an ideal breakup will be mutual and leave both parties with the optimism of staying friends.

However, if you truly loved that person it could never really work. You could try, but ultimately feelings would get hurt and the healing process would never be able to start.

By no means will I be ready to move on anytime soon and, hopefully, he takes as long as me to move on.

If he doesn’t I’ll find a way to cope with it but in my opinion you should only give yourself freely to the idea of dating again when you are, no doubt in your mind, 100% ready.

I’m not talking about no longer having the feeling of wanting to cry at the thought of kissing someone else, I’m talking no strings attached dating where you lead the other person on into thinking you actually want more than to get out because you are lonely.

Remember: Time is the healer of all wounds.

For me, writing this article is a form of healing. By putting my heart out on a silver platter I can start to understand myself and my situation better.

Thank you for listening and good luck in the seven types of love that you all possess. 

 

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